In the Philippines, a wedding is not complete without the couple reciting the wedding vows. A marriage vow is a promise that the bride and groom make to one another during the wedding ceremony. Although wedding vows are not universal, the Catholic church has a distinct and traditional yet popular pledge that the couple must recite. Perhaps, you are very familiar with the line.
I, _____, take you, _____, for my lawful wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, until death do us part.
In the last few years, however, we are seeing more and more couples reciting their own wedding vows to the ire of Lingayen-Dagupan Archbishop Socrates Villegas. The current CBCP (Catholic Bishops Conference of the Philippines) President took it to Facebook to instruct the priests why they themselves should say no to personalized wedding vows. Here’s the entire post.
“PERSONAL VOWS” AT WEDDING LITURGY?
In recent months, some couples preparing for their weddings have asked if they could prepare their personal vows and read them within the wedding liturgy.
In order to respond to this query, let us be reminded about some basic principles in liturgy.
1. The liturgies of the Church, being public prayer, belong to the Church. Every liturgical action is an action of Christ the Priest with His Body which is the Church. The liturgy is a sacred action surpassing all others.
2. Private devotions and personal spiritual expressions should not be mixed with the liturgies of the Church. Mixing personal pious devotions with the liturgy could confuse, remove or diminish the focus of the action of Christ Himself in the liturgical action. The liturgy is not ours to change at whim.
3. The regulation of the sacred liturgy depends solely on the Holy See and in limited cases, to bishops’ conferences. Hence, no other person, not even a priest may add, remove or change anything in the liturgy on his own authority (Sacrosanctum Concilium, 22).
Based on these norms, the idea of pronouncing personal vows inserted within the wedding liturgy must not be allowed.
The officiating priests who will be asked about the propriety of inserting personal vows in the wedding liturgy can advise the couples to read their vows at the wedding reception but certainly not in the church. It would be a good occasion too to instruct the couples that the wedding vows prescribed in the wedding liturgy are rich and meaningful if only they understood the full depth and source of the liturgy of marriage. Let us not compromise the sacred character of the wedding rites on the altar of romanticism.
Archbishop Villegas outrightly points out that “the liturgy is not ours to change at whim” and thus, “the idea of pronouncing personal vows inserted within the wedding liturgy must not be allowed. Instead, if the couple wants to say their own pledges, they must do so at the wedding reception so as not to compromise the sacredness of the wedding rites.
Wedding vows are at and the heart of the marriage rites. Reciting the vows pertains to the actual exchange of consent wherein without consent, there will be no marriage. Thus, vows are an indispensable element of every Catholic church wedding. Also, aside from the version above, there are other versions of the wedding vows for the couple to choose from to say to each other that the church provides.
Other guidelines of the church
While at it, it would be better to list some mandates of the Catholic Church. There are more and essentially the same for all Catholic churches. These will be instructed by the liturgist or another member of the Church during the seminars.
1) A parochial church has an official liturgy that will be used during the wedding ceremony.
Nonetheless, a couple is allowed to choose the readings for the wedding from the set of readings that the Church provides as well. These are for the first, second and Gospel readings, and these readings proclaim the sanctity of marriage. The church representative suggests the couple choose the readings that best resonate with them.
2) The songs that will be used during the matrimonial service must pass the liturgical standards.
This means that “pop” and “RnB” songs are not allowed. Non-Christian songs are also not allowed even during the picture-taking. Again, the liturgical music must be a reflection of the sanctitude of the occasion. Nonetheless, if the couple wants a special song to be played during the ceremony, it will be subject to a review to determine its appropriateness.
3) The gowns or dresses of the female members of the entourage should be appropriate to the occasion.
That means no “spaghetti,” strapless and backless gowns. Dresses with plunging necklines and too high a slit are not allowed as well. Shawls will be provided by the church if need be.
4) Children members of the entourage must be five years old and above.
This may include, but are not limited to the ring bearer, coin bearer, Bible bearer and flower girls. This is not because five-year-olds can be reprimanded, but because they already understand the importance of their roles in a wedding.
5) Throwing rice, coins or any other things such as petals and confetti are not allowed inside the church.
The same goes with releasing doves, butterflies or bubbles. Any of these activities is allowed outside the church after the service. Church representatives often advise the couples to let them know if anything will be thrown at them when leaving the church so they can be prepared.
Although mostly debatable, this requires any future brides and grooms to be prudent on how they should deal with their church wedding. But, we can only assume. What are your thoughts on the stand of the church regarding the recital of personal vows during the wedding ceremony? Is the compromise to read the vows during the reception program a reasonable one? What about the other matrimonial mandates?
Let us know.